Lost and Found

Have you ever felt lost in a decision that you had to make? Has God ever called you to do something you felt you were unable to do? If so then this is for you....so please read on. And if not, well read on anyway because it is possible that you will one day face this. 

Let me remind you that God hears our prayers, they are like a sweet incense lifted up before Him. So we need to be careful that we are not praying for things we are not prepared for. Some of my brothers and sisters know what has been going on in my life for the last few months. I am about to share it with you in hopes that it will help you navigate a situation that may be similar. 

I remember praying, "Here I am send me!" for awhile now. I did not have any place in mind. I just wanted to be used by God for his kingdom. So that was my prayer. God eventually began to send me on some intense missions here in Sheridan.....seemed like he might have been testing my faith I believe. Getting out of relationships, leaving my job. He also began to remove things out my life as well as asking me to remove some. Let me tell you this was not an easy thing. It was months of sleepless nights, painful wrestling with God (which I always lost), rivers of tears, some fights with people I loved. Just all around pain for months and months. But in that time God began 

lay a place on my heart. This place is so far out of comfort zone and because of that, part of me just wants to ignore it. And there for a while. that is just what I did. But no matter how much you ignore something, sadly it is still there. After a few months of keeping it to myself and asking God for confirmation after confirmation, just like Gideon did, I have learned that this is what God wants. God has made the ground wet and the rug dry, then the ground dry and the rug wet over and over again. It has really helped me to learn more about God and myself as well. As much as I hate to admit it, the wrestling matches were for my own good and I am grateful that God came out on top every time. There for a while I remember telling God "anywhere but there. I'll got  anywhere else, just not there!"  But that is not how this works, this is not burger king, and I cannot have it my way. 

My way would be to stay here with family and friends, stay at the job that I loved so much, take care of the kid that was placed in my life, just live this comfortable life that God has created for me. Even though God created this life for me. He has something that is much bigger and better planned for me. 

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. 

Sometimes I feel like I can do this. Like, YES, I am going to do this!!!!But then there are times when I let people get into my head, or the enemy and begin to fear the circumstances. Once I take my eyes of the Lord and start looking to my circumstances, I am automatically in the mode of disobedience. "I am going to stay here, I'll just get my old job back, blah blah blah" I realized as soon as I begin to think like that, I separate myself from God, or I guess attempt to. Reminds me of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden when they hid from God cause there were ashamed that they were naked. I guess in a sense I am ashamed that I am disobeying God. I fall away from of my intimate time with God. No more secret prayer time, no more studying His Word, no more anything. I am either trying to focus on something else, volleyball games, cleaning the house, the dogs....or I am laying on my couch watching T.V. During these times, I feel sick. Physically sick. Like body aches, fatigued, headache, all the symptoms. 

This just happened to me this last week for about 3 or 4 days. After nothing working out the way I wanted it to I began to think to myself, "This is not going to work, just abandon ship." So, What do I do? I pull away, attempting to hide. Maybe if He can't see me, I will not be faced with this choice. HA!!!!! Silly me. I started to feel sick, not reading the word, not feeding myself spiritually at all....so I got sick, physically sick. Not only that, but the enemy was shooting his flaming arrows at me non stop. "Gods not going to love you anymore. You are going to fail. Nothing good will come to you here or there." All of it just had me so down and out. 

I am grateful for my friend who helped me. She held me accountable after a phone call I had with her. She sent me into a few days of study in a 40 day challenge book with her, and had me texting her things daily about what was going on with me. Which just proves one of my favorite scriptures. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For is they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to his that is alone when falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 

The first couple days I was not into it, very silent. I intentionally had to pick that book up one morning and read it. I read the next three sections to catch up with her. God stirred something in me and just lit my fire. The Lord lit my lamp and lit up my darkness. All of that condemnation I was feeling was from the enemy. And God spoke His truth into it. God told me that He loves me regardless of what I am going to do. That He will make all things work for my good because I live according to His purpose. I am so grateful for these moments. The moments where God really just shows up and teaches me more about who He is and how He works!!! Just stand in awe of Him. He is a faithful God. He is a merciful God. He loves His children and nothing can separate us from His love. 

So about 2 days after reading through that book with my friend, I am reading the bible again, in deep prayer and meditation with God my Father. He showed me a lot of cool things. One day he was telling me about my being stagnant. So he led me to Sam Mavrakis Pond, where he had me sit and write for awhile. This pond was very mucky, dirty, unclear, there was nothing flowing in or out, and it only moved with the wind. Wow! God was talking about me. When He brought that up about the wind a verse came to mind via the Holy Spirit. Which was....

Ephesians 4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, but the sleight of men, and the cunning craftiness, whereby they lie and wait to deceive, but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

He also showed me the muskiness that is in my pond. The things that need to be driven out of me so that I can grow up. The pride, jealousy, bitterness, fear, lack of faith, unforgiveness and much more. 

We know that God speaks to us in the most amazing ways, He also teaches us in different ways. Sometimes it may be a strong conviction, or a light correction, or a strong discipline, or a very unwanted consequence. I know that sometimes they are not all the greatest, I am grateful for each one of them. 

Romans 5:3-5 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience, and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us. 

Even now the Holy Spirit brought this verse(Romans 5:3-5) to me, not only to share with you, but to speak to my heart. What an amazing God we serve....that He humbled His Holy self so that He could send us help!!! ❤❤❤

My intention with this blog is to help someone who feels like they are losing the battle because I have gone back and forth, back and forth, and then back and forth, probably a thousand times on these request from God, it felt like I had whiplash. Like I was never going to come out alive. But by nothing but the grace of God, I am here standing straight, looking towards the prize. Feeling defeated happens....but we cannot continue to let an already defeated power beat us up. We must stand firm in God's truth. He is continually trying to speak it into our hearts, if we would just listen!!! Be still and know that He is God. 

My prayer for us today is that we will allow God to work in us! That we will just surrender the wrestling match and listen to our Father. Whether He is telling us to clean our room, or to let go of something, or that we are doing something wrong. Lord, let us not cower down and hide when something gets a little tough, but let us stand up and fight. Knowing that we are seated in heavenly places next you Christ Jesus and that the same power that rose Jesus from the grave lives in us. Let us not continue to be beaten up by the enemy because we know he is defeated. God, I thank you that You are for us and not against us. That we have a LORD that is Holy and Righteous no matter what and You will always work things out for the good of those that live according to Your purpose. We love you Lord, and give You all the honor, glory, and praise for only You are worthy of it! In the mighty name of Jesus Christ!!! Amen