The Narrow Path

After a situation today (which I do not want to share for the sake of the people involved) God took me on a journey. I am so grateful that I have Him in these hard times.  But after this situation, I was feeling pretty upset, confused, hurt, concerned, sad, just ALL of the emotions. I'm sure some of you have felt that way before. I hate when people are hurting or mad. I just want to help them feel better and make peace. But of course, I am human and had some bad thoughts as well. I wanted that person to know the truth. I wanted to show them how they were wrong. I wanted to to show them how they hurt people without being aware of it.  While having that nasty, evil thought process, I also had two of my nieces here. I did not want them to see me like that. I went got my phone and turned-on praise music, took it to the bathroom and started cleaning and singing my little heart out. It was really cool, because I was listening to Praise and my youngest niece popped her head in and st...

 Sin. YHUCK! I do not want to be associated with that. I do my best to stay away from sin.  By the power of the Holy Spirit, through the completed work my Messiah Yeshua, I have been freed from the power of sin. I have given up sexual immorality, drunkardness and drug addiction, idolatry, hatred, lasciviousness, many others.                                                                              I allow myself to walk so tall because all of these BIG sins are gone. Who cares about the little ones? RIGHT?? Anyone else struggle with this? All the main  sins that we hear about all the time are now gone, so  I am good to go. I catch myself feeling like this all the  time, but what I am noticing, is that it is not all good.  I AM STILL A SINNER. Despite how good I w...

 Today was a rough day. As it was the anniversary of a suicide of a kid that I took care of. One year ago today, he took his life because he could not handle the life he was dealt. Just that in itself is very hard to handle. This kid was just one of the sweetest people you would ever encounter. He was always checking in on people and putting everyone before himself.  I guess it would make sense that he had experienced a lot of pain, so he did not want anyone else to have to experience that, so he spent his life trying to relive this pain from other people. 💝💝💝 This kid had so much life and spunk to him. Being around him, even if just for a couple seconds, you could not help but to light up and smile. He hid his pain well. So, well that we did not even see it coming. Maybe his friends that knew him a little deeper might have, but I don't think so.  Not only did we lose him that night, but I was one of the ones working when it happened. It was the worst night of my life ...

I see a lot of people in life trying to figure out what their calling is. What they were meant to do here on earth. What their purpose is. If they even have one.  If you are TRULY with Christ, then you have laid down all the old things, and are starting to put on the new things. It can be a very hard time in life. Everything you have believed, thought, ever told yourself, come to know, all of it is gone now. Losing all of that can be hard. Humans seem to have to have an identity and we tend to put it into those types of things. What do we do when we lose our identity??? Well, we have to search for a new one. As you might have heard a few times before, we have to find our calling.  CALLING-What is that even? We are so worried about finding our calling in life, but do we really know what it means.  Looked it up online and this is the definition I found... A calling is a  strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action .  It may be accompanied by convicti...

 Being obedient is HAAARRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!!!! Why is it so hard? I can say all day that I know I need to listen to the Lord, but then when it comes time to, well, I fail to listen.  I KNOW FOR A FACT....that God knows better than I do,  but in those moments, I fight it. And I mean FIGHT, like  I have been training in UFC my entire life.  Desi is OUT!! Sadly, I'm the one that gets Knocked Out!!!                Recently, I went through a long period of time while being disobedient to the Lord. He was  faithful to get me through it. But this does not mean that it was easy for Him. To me, disobedience is a lack of trust in who God is and a sense of pride in who you are. So maybe it is best to get knocked out every now and then, keeps me in check, eh? The Lord does say in the bible that He will tear down the house of the proud. I am grateful for the way that God works, especially when I'm lying on the ground looking up to Him...

Ecclesiastes 3:6 A time to get, and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away.  Things in this life are only temporary. It is all vanity.  Sometimes we hold on so tight to something because it feels like it is our everything. It seems like we question, what will I be if I let go of this? We grow immensely attached to things so easily. Earthly possessions, people, animals, money, ideas, everything under the sun. It is almost sickening some of the things people grow so attached to. I'm not judging, I am one of them. Probably why I feel so uneasy about it.  At church, we have been going through a lesson on suffering. We can either suffer for earthly things or suffer in Christ.                                                                                  ...

I go through my days feeling like I am not enough. In every area of my life.  I don't have nice enough clothes, my car isn't good enough, I don't get out enough, I don't speak well enough, I am not nice enough. Just constantly beating myself up. MEMAMEMEMEAME. BLEH! But what is strange about this, is that I do not even truly care about this stuff. Really, I don't!!!I know other people care about it though, so that makes me care about it. Such a horrible, ugly truth!! One of those truths that you want to keep in and never let it rise to the surface. People say that it is good to care about these things, but I think I disagree.  In this last year, I find myself thinking that I am not enough when it comes to living for the LORD.  I don't speak up enough, I don't spend enough time in the Bible, I don't pray for people enough, I don't understand enough, I don't go to enough Bible studies.  I still keep these things rolling around in my head no matter ...

 Fear! What a powerful four-letter word.  As a human in the flesh, there are so many things that we fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of death, fear of being disliked, fear of being alone, fear of what people might do to us, fear of truth, fear of people seeing the real us, fear, fear, FEAR.  Having to deal with one of those is hard enough. But I imagine I am not alone when I say that I have had to deal with all of those.  Let me just tell you right now FEAR IS A LIAR! It will tell you that you can't do what you are called to do, it will keep you from living in your purpose, it will keep you from seeing who God created you to be.  I have learned on my journey with God, that He does know how powerful fear is. Throughout reading the Bible, I have read numerous times, God telling us to not be afraid.  In this first book of the Bible, Genesis 26:24 And the Lord appeared unto him the same night, and said, I am the God of Abraham thy father: fear not, for I a...

 Trust. What a word huh? So easy to flow out of the mouth, but much harder to flow out of the heart.  From the time we are born, there are numerous things that teach us whether we can trust or not. Sadly, in a fallen world, I believe most people learn that we cannot trust. I went through a lot growing up. From older men sexually taking advantage of me at a young age, my father leaving the picture never to be seen or heard of again, being lied to constantly about my parent coming home or being where she was supposed to be, boyfriends cheating and lying, druggies using me as a pawn in their world, etc. No wonder it is hard for me to trust people. Everyone is always going to hurt me somehow, I tell myself. I might as well end it before they have that chance. I can see it more clearly now that I am an adult.  Now, the only one I want to trust if GOD THE FATHER, and I struggle to do so. I tend to trust the people that have hurt me more than the one that has always been FOR me....

       Do you ever feel like you are just failing in life? Like there is nothing that you can do right? I am going through a season that I have thought was over but apparently it is not. I believe God is ready for me to move onto the next season, but I am keeping myself stuck in this season. A few weeks ago, it felt like I was moving out of it. But here I am. STUCK!        Why have I not moved out of this season. I feel like I am sabotaging my entire walk with the LORD and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Maybe that is just it. Maybe I need to stop and just TRUST GOD. I feel like it is much easier said than done. Why is it so hard to trust God? I cannot seem to get out onto the first step, not matter how much I want to. I want to walk with the Lord, in everything that He has ordained for my life. But right now, it feels like I am missing it all. I think as humans we want to see the entire picture...but with God, we can't. If we saw the e...